You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
