Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
