my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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