I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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