i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
