Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
