I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
