home. puking in laundry basket.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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