holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
