Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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