If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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