That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
