I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You made out with two different species that night
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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