No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize