remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
