I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
