yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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