id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
