apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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