Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
