Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
