I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
