He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
