My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Fuck appropriateness.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
