The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
