How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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