i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize