Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
