How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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