I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
