My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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