I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
