She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
