I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
