The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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