Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
