Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
