mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I pour the whiskey from now on
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
