how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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