put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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