first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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