Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
