I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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