I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
