JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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