Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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