I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
