i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
