Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
