Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
