he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This is the high leading the old right now
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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