I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
