break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
