TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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