I understand why you refuse to be sober now
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
