I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
