did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
