You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
