new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
