Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
