My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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