She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
