Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
