My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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