I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
