There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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