She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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