I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
