i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize